You'll know when it's happening, but not what it means.

A year ago, this weekend, my Dad made his transition from this life, to the next.  

Though we did not know it, my husband Robin's Mom was preparing to make her transition too.  She left this earth one week to the day of my Dad's passing. 

There are many things in life you just have to live through. 

Mother's Day is meant to be a beautiful celebration of life, love and nurturing, and happily, for many, it is.  I am so grateful for the many beautiful Mother's Day celebrations I've experienced. 

But now, I understand better why Mother's Day has become something some of us just have to live through. 

Whether you find yourself missing someone who is no longer here literally or figuratively; whether you sit at the headstone of a well-documented life or at the little unmarked grave of what could have been; whether you can talk about it or not breathe a word of it; and whether or not this has anything to do with mothers or mothering: you are not alone. 

This is for you.  For us. 

--- * --- * --- * --- * --- * ---

No one tells you this: 
you'll know when it's happening 
but not what it means 

though it may look like 
just one thing changed, it will feel 
like nothing's the same 

some things we can't know 
we have to feel our way through  
live all the way through 

and especially 
when we want to live them least 
we will learn the most 

like what to do when 
you can't seem to catch your breath 
from all the crying 

or that it's ok  
to not feel bad when you don't 
though you think you should 

then there's what it is 
to not be over it, when 
some think you should be

you learn, finally 
nothing ever changes change 
it is who we are 

each of us will change 
everyone else will change too 
that's just what we do 

earthly clothes will fall 
we may drench the earth with tears 
but still, the sun shines 

make peace with knowing 
all we are ever promised 
is right here, right now 

© Jenny Bienemann

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